It's Not a Confidence Issue. Except Sometimes It Is.

We’ve all read the articles, attended the workshops, and listened to the podcasts: “It’s not about confidence; it’s about competence.” And yet, after years of working with accomplished leaders, I’ve come to a different conclusion: Confidence plays a bigger role than we care to admit.

I don’t say this lightly. I’ve seen extraordinary women—talented, capable, and deeply respected—hesitate to step into senior roles or advocate for themselves. Not because they lack skills, but because their confidence has been chipped away by environments that can, at times, be brutal.

The Quiet Erosion of Confidence

Being the only woman in a leadership group can be lonely. Leading in spaces where decisions are questioned more aggressively, or where you’re repeatedly interrupted, can quietly erode your belief in your voice. Even when you know you’re more than qualified, moments of doubt creep in.

And then there are the moments when we’re tasked with advocating for ourselves—moments that feel, frankly, excruciating.

I remember a time when I needed to ask for something as simple as a laptop during my maternity leave. It mattered to me. My identity was so tightly linked to my role at the time that I couldn’t imagine stepping away from it entirely. But when the request was denied, I found myself in tears.

A colleague saw my distress and didn’t hesitate. She marched straight in and advocated for me—something I couldn’t bring myself to do.

And here’s the thing: I’m confident, accomplished, and capable. But even now, there are moments when advocating for myself feels impossibly hard.

The Complex Reality of Leadership Today

We hear it all the time: “Just learn this skill” or “Make sure you know that system”—as if skills alone will ensure readiness for senior leadership. Skills are critical, and I’ll always advocate for taking your expertise seriously and learning the language of business. But skills alone won’t carry you through moments of doubt, nor will they prepare you to face environments that demand resilience, clarity, and strength.

Leadership has changed. Empathy, relationships, and intuition—qualities often dismissed as “soft skills” in the past—are now recognized as essential. But there’s a catch: These traits are valued only when they’re expressed within the narrow confines of measured rationality. Passion? Emotion? Tears? Those remain off-limits.

This complexity can leave even the most seasoned leaders questioning themselves.

Why Confidence Matters More Than Ever

Confidence isn’t just about standing tall in the room. It’s about having the courage to raise your hand for opportunities, to advocate for your needs, and to keep moving forward even when the environment feels unwelcoming.

It’s about letting go of the belief that you need “one more qualification” or “a little more experience” before you can step up.

And here’s the truth: Even the most confident among us have moments where we falter. That doesn’t make us less capable. It makes us human.

Reframing How We Advocate for Ourselves

As leaders, we often find it easier to advocate for others than for ourselves. But here’s a challenge: What would it look like if you showed up for yourself with the same energy, clarity, and belief that you bring to supporting your team?

• What if you spoke up in that leadership meeting, not because it’s easy, but because it’s necessary?

• What if you asked for that stretch role, not because you’re 100% ready, but because you know you’ll grow into it?

• What if you let go of the idea that confidence means never feeling doubt and embraced the fact that confidence is showing up despite the doubt?

My Hope for You

My hope is that we can start being more honest about the role confidence plays in our careers—and how it’s shaped by our environments. I hope we stop assuming that the answer lies in acquiring more skills and start recognizing that sometimes, it’s about reclaiming the confidence to use the ones we already have.

Because the truth is, we are all capable of stepping into spaces where we can lead, grow, and thrive. Sometimes we just need a little reminder.

So here it is: Raise your hand. Speak up. Show up. You’ve got this.

Start with Balance Your Brave

To support your leadership, I’ve created a simple diagnostic tool called Balance Your Brave. It’s a quick health check for leaders, designed to help you take stock of key areas in your life and identify where you need to focus.

Use it to uncover what’s pulling your energy, where you’re thriving, and where you need a little extra care.

The best part? You can revisit it throughout the year—three times, like a balance sheet—to stay on track.

Download Balance Your Brave here

Because the best version of you doesn’t happen by accident. It happens when you decide to make it a priority.